December 2010
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The Cavs signed a new swingman to replace (that...
He’s the one on the left. Hnnnnnnnnggggggggg.
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So my friends have been getting on my case because...
I haven’t had sex in almost 9 months.
Nine. Goddamn. Months.
Please just end my life now.
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How was my Christmas, you ask?
Oh, Well, I’m just writing this from MY NEW FUCKING IPAD, that’s how it was.
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Guess who just found a bootleg of Black Swan???
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Charles Barkley comprehensively offends everyone... →
sade:
themattsmith:
Good god, I love Charles Barkley.
I don’t understand how this is offensive to anyone who isn’t Brett Favre or Brett Favre’s baby penis. It’s just the truth from C-Barks, as usual.
Every word that comes out of his mouth is the mad fucking truth.
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“Twilight is bullshit because you can’t have a book or movie about vampires...”
– CCB
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Asserting my Bad-Bitchness at work...
New Greasy Ass Coworker: "I hate driving in this snow, I just can't deal with it!"
Me: "Yeah, I know, it sucks. This weather is why I bought an SUV in the first place. So I wouldn't have to put up with the skidding and sliding around."
NGAC: "Ummmmm, actually SUV's are WORSE in snow than cars."
Me: "Ummmm No, actually they are better in the snow and at least I can afford one"
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My Stepdad's family came over for a Christmas...
My oldest stepbrother (a 33 year old father) came to the party blazed as fuck and didn’t even try to hide it. This has happened the last 3 years we’ve done this. At least I have the common decency to wait until after my family leaves to smoke. Some people have no shame.
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Proof of the idiocy that surrounds me...
No one wants to hear your fucking wake and bake rants and conspiracy theories. Christ.
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Oh what a surprise, there's already an article...
I think I could be a sports beat reporter for a local paper because all you need are some bad puns and a basic knowledge of basketball and stats. Basic assholes.
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That awkward moment when you fall asleep with your...
aka every night this week for me.
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Sometimes I get upset about the way things are...
I could have been knocked up at age 17 by ~*My fIrSt lOvE*~. Then that asshole could join the army because god knows he doesn’t have any discernible skills that would help him get a job or get into college. Then I could decide to marry him because why the fuck not, I’ve already thrown my life away anyway. Why not get married at age 18? Then soon after I could realize that this marriage...
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So earlier I had to run to the Circle K down the...
I walk in to buy some ice for this gay family party and working behind the counter is the guy who tormented me in middle school so badly that I almost killed myself (once a drama queen, always a drama queen). I have never been such a smug, arrogant bastard in my life. He knew EXACTLY who I was too, which was the most gratifying thing of all. I was seconds away from saying “Oh by the way, I...
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“I would love to believe that when I die I will live again, that some thinking,...”
– [Carl Sagan, 1996 in his article In the Valley of the Shadow Parade Magazine Also, Billions and Billions p. 215] (via rinnsurfstheweb)
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Liquor Drama...
Dumbass White Guy: “Hey, have you tried this Bubble Gum Three Olives?”
Me: “I had it once at a bar, it wasn’t bad.”
Dumbass White Guy: “Well that’s reason enough for me to buy it.”
Me: “You should really try it with Cherry 7up, that’s how I had it and it was fantastic.”
Dumbass White Guy: “Ummmm, I’m a man. I’m...
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